"Be Yourself; Everyone Else is Already Taken"
– Oscar Wilde
Oscar Wilde’s Wisdom and A Career-Defining Moment
By Shanti Gold
If only I’d taken this quote to heart earlier in my career, I wouldn’t have found myself sitting across from a Sales Executive I’d been working with for three months, asking for forgiveness and a chance to start over the right way.
I began my career in media sales. My first leadership position left me shell shocked and a bit scarred. I didn’t have the opportunity to be a true manager. I was a puppet whose strings were pulled by upper management. If there was a decision or an opinion to be made, it was not mine, but I would be the face of it. Since I was operating mechanically, I lost – or probably more accurately never found – myself in the management process.
So that was the person that showed up at the door of my new company. For my first few months, the learning curve was huge, and I felt very alone. I was glad for the learning, and I allowed it to consume all of my bandwidth. Still reeling managerially from my previous job, I spent shockingly little time putting any conscious thought toward my approach to leadership, coaching or the culture I wanted to create. I vaguely, and cringingly, remember telling the team they needed to be on time to sales meetings. Motivational, huh?
So I sat with her, took a deep breath, and looked her in the eye (was this the first time I’d done either?). I did my best to explain, vowed to change, and asked for another chance. I had done nothing to earn it, but I think she sensed the sincerity.
Fast forward a couple months, and I learned that one of the Sales Executives on my team was actively considering a move to another team. How could that be? How could she want to leave me? Wasn’t I a good, caring, hard-working, honest person with a lot of experience and ideas to offer? Wasn’t I an inspirational role model? And then it hit me: if I did possess those qualities, not even an ounce of them was present. It felt like the person I wanted to be, and the person I assumed (incorrectly) was just magically showing through, was trapped inside of me.
This was the moment of revelation. I saw myself through the Sales Executive’s eyes. She was not seeing an authentic leader. She was seeing someone even I didn’t recognize. As a manager, I needed to start actively and proactively being myself. So I sat with her, took a deep breath, and looked her in the eye (was this the first time I’d done either?). I did my best to explain, vowed to change, and asked for another chance. I had done nothing to earn it, but I think she sensed the sincerity. We continued to work together for 10 years.
A while later, at the same company, I was taught to ask myself, “How do you show up every day?” How we show up is within our control; it is a presence and a state of mind that affects not only us, but also impacts those around us. Sure, everyone is expected to work hard and with integrity and the appropriate office decorum; but when combined with a full dose of whatever defines you, you are showing up in the best way you can.
As leaders and business coaches, we ask questions to help clients uncover their unique selling position (USP) so that we can focus on what makes them special and best execute strategies on their behalf. But do we take the time to ask ourselves the same questions? Are we taking a step back from the day-to-day craziness and looking to see if our unique and authentic self is the person we are bringing to work?
It took almost losing a talented Sales Executive to realize the importance of how I show up. It sounds easy, but sometimes, strangely, it requires work and focus to bring yourself to the job. Remember, no one else does it like you do. And that “you-ness” is the most special and impactful gift you have to offer to the people you were hired to serve.